It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
