she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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