She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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