there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
