New invention idea: vibrating tampons
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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