Rock
Scissors
Fuck
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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