Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
