if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
