How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
