I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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