I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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