i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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