I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
