Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
