I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
