Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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