is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
