We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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