make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
