it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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