is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
