I can text with my tongue
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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