He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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