I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
