its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
