ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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