You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize