I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
