My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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