I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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