You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
