That's intense
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize