SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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