Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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