I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
