I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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