This girl is more easily done than said...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize