Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
