doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You made out with two different species that night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
