I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
