I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
