absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
