I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
