My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize