I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
