I must be too annoying 4 u.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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