drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
