Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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