Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've blown a few things in my day
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize