I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
