Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
