we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
