Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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