closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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