I wish I only lived at night.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
