i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
