it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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