i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
