I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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