Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
