He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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