i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
