I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
