Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
