well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
