I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
