You don't have asthma, your pregnant
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
