Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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