dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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