batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
