This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
