You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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