Do vagina's smell?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
