Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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