no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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