i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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