He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
