I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
