I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
