I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
