everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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