I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she told me i tasted like america
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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