i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
