so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
