This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
