TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
