Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
