we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
