my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize