I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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