Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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