Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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