this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
