I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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