I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
