dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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