Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
