I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
