I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
